Sunday, February 13, 2011

Childhood Dreams

It was turning out to be another dull and long train journey from Bangalore to Thoothukudi. The train was as usual late and it was past 9 AM and the train just left Madurai. The train was almost empty and I was staring out of the window, when a family came in and asked me if anybody else is coming and sat there. They were four in no, with a cute little girl and a boy. The girl was elder and she was almost eight. She came near me and I was just asking her the usual questions about her name and school. She replied very confidently and she asked me a question, Anna, What are you doing?. I replied with lot of pride (like the onida advertisement with two horns ) , I am working as an Engineer.
The next question was completely unexpected .... anna , was this your childhood dream? I just mumbled yes. She was so happy hearing my answer, my mind was thinking about my fourth standard english class, where I wrote about my future ambition (No I am not going to say what I wrote there) .Lost in those thoughts, realizing that the girl is still near , I asked her the same question abt her future plans and she replied she wanted to be a teacher. I heard some disgruntled murmur from her parents who wanted her to become doctor.
Then the girl started playing with her brother but her question was still in my mind. Childhood dream. It made me think that day that about those dreams ( usually i dream when ppl ask me to think abt something ). I just convinced myself that following dreams is lot of effort and slept again.
The following weekend I was back to bangalore and I was Flipping aimlessley through the diff channels, I came to zee sports ( yess there is a channel with this name) , and there was a interview of Sania Mirza being aired. My eyes got glued to the TV on seeing her and started watching it ( this was before she got married to shoaib malik) .
The interviewer was asking the usual questions. One of the question , So Sania it must have been really tough coming from a middle class muslim family and to become a big tennis player. I was just blown away by the answer, sania just smiled for a sec and said , I think even if you ask a zilla parsihad president , he would also say he struggled to reach there. I think everybody struggles in their own way to reach the place they have reached. That is when a bell rang and a light glowed , I just realised that to achieve something in life everybody has to struggle what ever the place must be
Next thing i did was to go and search for god's (Sachin's) interviews on the net to see what he says. One of the most interesting things came out of the interview was how he mentioned that , each one of the training sessions in his school days he wanted to miss and go enjoy like his class mates playing something, eating ice creams, have helped him in achieving the position he has reached. Always I thought, sachin was just sent from above to play cricket, but now I realized that even sachin had to struggle to achieve his childhood dreams.....
I realized that day , anyways everybody has to struggle to achieve something in life , why not struggle to achieve their childhood dreams, then we will have more sachins and sania mirzaas in our country :)

Friday, February 13, 2009

Dedicated to the girl who taught

Dedicated to the girl who made me realise what love is...
Love as I see it...

I never thought I would be writing my first blog about the magic of Love. What better day to write about it than Feb14.

This blog is just a random assortment of my experiences and thoughts and contains lines and quotes which I read and liked.

Understanding Love
Let me start by answering the question what is love? The answer is simple and straightforward --->
Intimacy, passion and commitment are the ingredients of true love. It is quite suprising to note that the permutation and combination of these three things decide the relationship you have with each person around you. Based on the above fact ,let us try finding the difference between Love and Friendship .
I think almost everybody at some point of time would have felt this ---
I like this person but I do not love this person
This is called liking or friendship. This relationship has intimacy, u r close to this person, u like spending time with them, u like sharing things with them but it lacks intense passion and long-term commitment.
Next thing that almost everybody would have experienced is Infatuation
Infatuated love has only passion and it is called the love at first sight .. but it vapourises in thin air without the other components of love -intimacy and commitment.

Falling in Love
I think now I am matured enough to say that what I felt for this girl was love not infatuation and not friendship . I had the utmost respect for her . I admired her very much and I could communicate with her which is exactly what love is based on --> respect, admiration, and communication.

The next question I would like to answer is why in the whole world did I fall in love with this girl?? Well the answer is, all the people in the world have some view or idea of their ideal partner somewhere in their sub conscious mind and when they find the person who satisfy that so called template in Ur mind we fall in love.. In my case this girl reminded me all I had thought about how a girl should be and as i got to know her better and learnt about her likes and dislikes I started getting this feeling we were connected and she was the person I had been looking for...I started loving her as she is… Then started one of the most wonderful journey of my life---

Being In Love

One of the Best Moments of my life was when i fell in love with this special person and I entered the second phase in love called attraction skipping the first phase called lust which is strong in passion but weak in other elements. I lost all my rationale thinking when it came to matters related to her best explained by the saying love is blind. I started enjoying her flaws and everything about her looked great,special and cool. I do not have words to describe her. She was the best for me and she could not do any mistake according to me. I started idealizing her and worshipping her daily.My world suddenly became small and the only person who made my life meaningful was her. I just could not stop thinking about her. What ever incidents that happened I could relate with her and how much ever time I talked with her was not enough for me. I wanted more. This overwhelming preoccupation and drive is part of our biology.That was the best phase of my life because whatever she did really looked as the right thing to do and I enjoyed whatever she did and I clearly remember the incident where I was about to get hit on the road and the only thing that was on my mind was that I should make a call to her and say how much I loved her and that is what I did.
My journey stops here as she did not feel the same way as I felt for her. I still cannot describe how horrible I felt that day but then I realized that I should not expect life to be fair. My findings from my experience is that Love is Insanity and Studies have shown that mental scans of those in love show a striking resemblance to those with a mental illness.

Another important topic i wanted to talk here is arranged marriage as that was one of the main reasons quoted by my girl to say no to me.To all those persons who say I will only marry the person whom my parents come up with as a match, I want them to read the quote below,
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery
Your parents can find lot of right matches but u can only find the right match for you. In arranged marriage , parents are going to choose based on looks, wealth, education and the girl and boy talking for a few minutes.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth ; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.Find the person that makes Ur heart smile . Is this not the criteria that should be for choosing somebody to live with?.

I strongly believe that we should be the one who need to do all the efforts of finding the right match for
us . We should
Be bold and courageous. When we look back on life, we'll regret the things we didn't do more than the one's we did .
We should get involved in the entire match finding process as this our life and we have to
Live our life so that our epitaph could read, No Regrets
And by the way people in India forget the very fact that ,
Arranged marriage also happens because of a form of love called Empty Love which has only commitment without any intimacy and passion . So relationships start as empty love in arranged marriages and most of the times the relationship has everything except true love and lot of compromises.
A life with love will have some thorns,but a life without love will have no roses
is what comes to my mind when I see people in arranged marriages trying hard to make the relationship work.When people support Empty love so much why do they do not support Consummate love which is the complete form of love and which has intimacy, passion and commitment. Why is that people do not realize that Marriage should be only after the love which has all three ingredients. We should Marry only for love. We should remember that relations do not come with a guarantee card and we cannot change it saying that it is not working. For people who say that arranged marriage has worked for ages I would like to say one thing
Don't marry a person you can live with .. Marry some one u cannot live without
From all the above arguments, I do not say that Indian culture and traditions are worse than the foreign culture. According to me Our culture is more refined than all the other cultures (so called animal culture) in the world. Just that we have become more refined (Too much of anything is good for nothing).
The idea of parents choosing the proper match is that to make sure that their children do not make the wrong choice but when we have decided that after 18 years one can decide the person whom he wants to rule over him , why not let them choose the person they want to live with. Why do parents do not have faith in their own children that they can make the right choice for life partner?, after all it is their life. The next argument which parents give is that marrying a person from different religion and caste will cause lot of issues. This is because in India, marriage is thought to be between two families and not between two hearts. The idea of marrying within same caste and religion is to make sure that both the families have the same rituals, faith and there will not be any miscommunication or misunderstanding which do not have any relevance in this age where people are just looking for a chance to kill each other .

For people who have still not experienced love all I can say is that
It is true we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives
From My experience all I can say that,
"Love" One Word that frees us of all the weight and pain in life,
It is true as whenever I feel tired and I have a huge deadline to meet, just seeing her orkut profile for a few minutes will do wonders for me. Speaking with her has made me energetic and made me feel as though I have achieved something big. After talking to her, I used to be in the top of the world and everything will look beautiful and the earth will become a wonderful place to live in for me. We need to remember well that life is all about living for others.
It is time now to describe the special person. She was so tender at heart but mentally strong. She was naughty, childish and all the little things that she said and did made me feel great. Putting in a nutshell , In this girl I could see the woman who was my life. All I want is that she finds her true love.
But we have to remember the most important fact that
Love is like a spice. It can sweeten your life however , it can spoil it too
So fall in love only after you have the maturity and you are sure that you will be able to handle any situation on your own. The most Important thing is that love should be mutual and it should be flowing both ways. If the other person does not feel the same as you feel ,you should accept her/his decision and live with the emotions and the good moments you had , after all
Life is never about the amount of breaths u take, it is always about the moments that take Ur breath away…
I too had my moments
Calls at midnight that lasted for hours. :))…
We need to understand that
First love is very special. It is something to be remembered for a lifetime but not something for which an entire life can be wasted in grieving over it.

We should always remember that we should be a good winner , more than that one should be a good loser. So I am happy that even though I have lost in the battle of love my ladylove has won .

For people who have still not experienced love all I can say is that
It is true we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives. One should be in love to be happy since ,
The grand essentials of happiness in life are :
something to do
something to love and
something to hope for

For the persons who are in love and who have lot of trouble ahead of them ,all I want to say is that
No Pain No Gain… Accept the Pain, Future will be Fruitful…
One needs to Treasure Every moment with their Loved ones as
To Love is Nothing...
To be Loved is Something...
To Love and be loved is Everything....

For the persons who were in love , but could not marry the person they loved,
They say 'Marriages are made in heaven'. Made or not, I do not know, but one thing is for sure - the one whom you’re going to marry, would have already been decided by The One above. No matter how many crushes you have in your life, no matter how many infatuations you go through and no matter how much you try to get into a relationship with someone, you're going to marry the only one you're destined to. If that 'one' happens to be the one you're already in love with, then you sure are lucky, or else, better luck next time.
I want everyone to
Dream What u want to dream,
go where u want to go,
be where u want to be,
because u have only one life and
one chance to do all the things u want to do
Happy Ending
.. every one has them.. which means my film is still not over. :-)